Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
