i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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