her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
