eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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