you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
