last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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