omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
