I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
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there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
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They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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