I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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