just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
