I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
