he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
