He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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