i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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