I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
