dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
