Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
