Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
