Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
my liver is dry heaving
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
