Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
