I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
