I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
