New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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