Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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