Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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