i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
