Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
