She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
