Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
this hospital has no fireball
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
