I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
this will be a night to untag.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Never underestimate the power of titties
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
