I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
