her vagine was all disorganized.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
