i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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