I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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