what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Every concussion has its silver lining
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
