well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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