So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
where am i from again
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
