There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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