Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
