are you so shy because you have an std?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
