Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
