and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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