we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
