I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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