you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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