You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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