You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
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All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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