i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
