Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
