I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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