the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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