he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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