Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
