i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
