Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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