woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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