perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
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Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize